A nice story, a bit sketchy in terms of worldbuilding (however small it is in a short story), but it has everything explained by the end. Can't say I enjoyed all the comedy inserted (I think some of those broke the immersion too much), but some of those were nice pace relievers. Overall, well done!
I am a voice actor, singer, writer, beta tester, and video maker. If you would like my help with anything from games to animations to almost anything really, let me know.
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Comments
Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it!
I thought the comedy might be breaking the flow so I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought so. I couldn't really bring myself to rewrite it to take out the comedy or reduce it (even if I only left in the really good ones, I thought the long gaps between them would make their appearance even more jarring). I did want to ask what you mean by sketchy in regards to world building. Do you mean that I should add more detail to add to the world building or that the details that are there already need work?
@Plasmarift
I mostly meant that we have many separate details from different genres/styles, like, we have another planet and glass mecha giving sci-fi vibes, we have higher beings granting wishes and curses, we have low-level security in a place with many expensive items (yes, for a sake of plot, but anyway). Mostly this.
Ah, I see. Thank you for elaborating. Most of that was just for comedy sake though I guess I really should have grounded the world building if I was going to include other comedy elements.
jamriot
Nice work! Really creative take on the glass prompt. The way you write is really charming and (in a good way) reminds me of comics/cartoons, but in a literature format. I like the way Lillie's glass skin is explained and overall this was just a really lighthearted, enjoyable read!
Plasmarift
Thanks a bunch! I wasn't sure if the comedic writing/slightly serious writing tone would work out. I kind of wished I had made Brock's sculpture something different, like a scale model of the glass show, complete with people being in awe of his sculpture. Thanks for having this contest!